Spoke Too Soon, Again.

I feel I have corrected myself so many times on this blog. I'm about to do it again. Looks like I won't be going into school psychology as a career even though I could see myself in that role. At this point, I probably should not announce what I think it is. It is probably better for me to wait until I actually get accepted into a graduate program. By that time, it would have been determined. The only thing I know is that I will be working with kids.

Currently I am waiting to hear back from a job I applied to three weeks ago. I submitted an application on the day of the deadline. This uncertainty is just unsettling. Today and some time last week, I filled out a volunteer form to work at two different elementary schools. I also submitted my resume to an after-school center near home.

In the same shopping center is a tae kwon do school so I went over and got some information. I was looking into enrolling in some sort of recreational class to meet new people. I'm one of those people that doesn't go out much. I was actually thinking of another tae kwon do school but saw this one on my path. Turns out this one is even better location and schedule-wise. However, I don't think I should spend that kind of money right now. I'm also considering yoga. This class is a lot more affordable and runs until the end of January. Both classes will be beneficial. The tae kwon do class will be a nice change from a few of the classes I've taken in the past where my classmates were over 50. This class I will only have to worry about a little kid wearing a black belt. The other thing I have to worry about is walking and taking the bus in the evening. It's getting darker earlier now.

they laugh...

went to my cousin's house yesterday.  our older cousin then stopped by.  we all went out to grab a snack.  before leaving i asked my cousin if he could teach me to drive his car (it has a manual transmission).

he sort of chuckled and then asked my other cousin, "remember what she [I] told me about why she wants to learn to drive a stick shift?"

my younger cousin then responded with a laugh and said "because she wants to work in africa and they have to drive stick there." 

um...yes, it sounds far-fetched in a world they live in - in the suburb or major city.  however, i didn't imagine any of this up.  i was serious about that.  i did my research.  many people who work in international development or humanitarian aid, if they live and work in a developing country, drive a stick shift.  at usaid, all new employees are trained to drive a stick shift if they don't already know how. 

my younger cousin then added, "it's probably because the roads there are unpaved."  duh.

can't believe they laughed at my dream. [shakes head in disappointment.]

losing sight of the future.

more than a year ago when i had realized my career path was to be in the non-profit sector, i started thinking about my next steps.  it was a very general idea but i was able to project several years into the future.  the first step was to get a job.  when that came to fruition, it still wasn't enough.  however, it was strange.  the picture i had imagined had disappeared soon after i was hired.  i still don't know why.  maybe because that path that i had imagined last year wasn't relevant anymore.  maybe i am supposed to go down a different path. i didn't think too much about trying to stick to that path.  i felt i was supposed to just stay where i am for a few years and in that time i will eventually know what my next step will be.

tonight i took another look at my old plan.  one of the next steps was to intern for a humanitarian aid non-profit.  looking at their internships, many require knowledge of the field of world affairs, international relations or international development.  something i have no knowledge of.  a few other knowledge require a good command of written and spoken english.  communication isn't one of my strengths.  in a work environment i am pretty quiet.  my writing skills are not strong enough to write grant proposals.  sigh. then there is the master's degree requirement.  eventually that is what i'll have to do - go back to school for a graduate degree.

with all this in mind, if i just continue to go with the flow, how long will it take me to arrive at my destination?  do i jump ahead and apply to grad school within the next two years now or wait and apply after five years of entry-level non-profit work and internships?  i'm currently working at a non-profit that deals with children from under-served communities and education at a local level though the non-profit is also national.  at this point i really don't know if i'm supposed to be going the international route or if my career will keep me at the local and national levels only.  how do you plan for the future when you don't know?  if i just stay the current path and i don't get a full-time position or more hours soon, then i will need a second job just so i can save up for the future.  doesn't soon too great.  how do i apply for grad school without feeling strongly or knowing well enough what i want to do?  the future is nowhere in sight.

new beginnings and endings

so much has transpired this week. i got sick sunday night.  it wasn't that bad so i went to work and even came in yesterday and today for extra work and training.  yesterday was one of my colleague's birthday so she took the day off.  my supervisor had asked me the day before if i could come in for a webinar (held yesterday) plus to stay after as long as i could.  they didn't tell me why though.  so i went in and my supervisor wasn't able to connect to the webinar.  i started working on the stack of papers that i had to input into the system.  shortly after my supervisor told me he and his supervisor wanted me to work the front desk since my friend was absent.  i've never used a multi-line phone before so i told him that.  later, i finally got to the front desk and my supervisor gave me a short lesson about all the different buttons on the phone.  and so i spent the last two hours of my shift at the front desk, mostly making page calls for kids to come to the front desk as their parents had arrived to pick them up.  before my shift was over my supervisor came by and asked me if i was comfortable doing this.  i told him not yet.  (i've only been sitting there for two hours.  i am not someone who can learn that quickly plus there was a lot more involved than the phone to the front desk.)  i thought it was a peculiar question but didn't think much of it.

today i came in for nutrition training.  it was about how to prepare healthy meals, the good cholesterol, the bad, what to avoid, etc.  it was very informative.  probably the best two hours i've spent in awhile.  food now makes a lot more sense to me.  the person giving the lecture is a certified nutritionist for the school district and she spends one day a week teaching kids at one elementary school about food and cooking.  she is doing the same thing that jamie oliver did with his food revolution tv show minus getting the school district to change the menus.  i was just excited to learn we had someone like that and here she is giving us a lecture.

at the end of the lecture, my colleague, the one who had a birthday yesterday, got up and announced that she is leaving.  she had put in her two weeks.  those of us that work with her were just saddened by the news.  she's one of my closest friends there. i really hate goodbyes.  especially when its a good friend that's leaving. i wish she had given us more than two weeks notice.  two weeks is not enough time for us to say good bye.

it turns out she just finished her studies in phlebotomy and received her certification.  i knew she was studying phlebotomy and would eventually move on to that, i just didn't know it would be this soon. everything from yesterday now makes sense. i also have to mention i did a tarot reading online yesterday.  so far a lot of the cards have been accurate.  the card i got was the fool.  it sounds bad which it can be but it also has a positive meaning.  i'm hoping i understood it properly and that it's referring to the positive.  the fool card represents new beginnings and stepping into the unknown whole-heartedly without fear. when i realized i would probably be taking her spot, i was scared. she does her job so well. however, after i got home i remembered when i first started working at ikea i was also scared. i had to learn all the parts to the custom closet system, the bathroom cabinets, all the different furniture families. remembering that experience definitely made me realize i am capable of taking on this new position.

anyhow, logically, i'm the one who will be offered her full-time position. i'm the only one who has been working on a few of the things she does already.  it's either that or they try to find someone in two weeks.
sure enough, i opened my email.  my supervisor sent a message asking if i could come in next tuesday. my friend will be training me on her different job duties.  i only hope i could do the job as well as she did. 

humanitarian and development aid

i've done a pretty good amount of research on my new career path.  read a lot.  found a lot of useful information.  just like any other career, it is going to be hard to get my foot in the door.  everybody in the field has stressed the importance of getting field experience via volunteering or interning.  only problem is these field experiences need to be done in developing countries.  i can't exactly just pick a country and take off.

i have looked into different programs by different organization that claim to give you just that but each program is a couple thousand dollars.  then i came across an article that says that not all programs do as much or help the host country as much as you'd think.  makes this whole process a lot harder.  how am i supposed to know which programs aren't actually a waste of my time and money and ends up hurting the local economy?  if finding a good program isn't enough, most humanitarian organizations require around 5 years of experience.  its an experience that is not easy to just do...however, some people have gotten a job in the field after doing 2 years in the peace corps.  unfortunately for me, i am not ready to leave for two years nor am i ready to take on the whole peace corps selection process which i've heard takes awhile.  i am up for taking off for a year.  it's one of those investments in your future you have to take.  instead of spending $30,000-60,000 on a graduate degree that may take up to 2 years, i will need to spend 3-5 years in a developing country.  the only program that sounds serious right now will cost about $10,000 for one year (incl. personal expenses, $350/month.  though i could probably survive on less.), not including round trip airfare.  if i do 2 years, that's $20,000.  this is going to be like doing a 2-part grad program.  first part is gaining field experience, and the second part is grad school.  total costs would be $50,000 - $80,000.  woe is me.

however,  there is one way i can gain the field experience without that hefty price tag.  instead of going to africa for two years, i can go to thailand.  i have relatives there.  a few of them having been doing humanitarian work in the villages off and on for many years now.  mostly with material donations.  i can still do this somewhat on my own.  though i've always felt unsafe to walk around by myself over there.  this will be interesting.  i have a lot more thinking to do...

defining the future.

my plans for the future are becoming more defined.  career-wise, i mean.  i'm glad to say, my career choice will allow me to find work abroad if i want to.  these organizations are so big, it will be better for me to work for an international company than one state-side.  the salary is better.  i just have to figure out how to squeeze in more french language studies as french is the second language in this sector.

i don't know if i will or if i have to yet but i also did a little research on graduate programs for public administration.  some schools are $20,000 a year, the better programs are about $50,000.  i don't like any of those numbers.

having received my first degree in studio art, this tickles me a little bit.  it is such a long road to where i am now.  sigh.