what to do.

i have been struggling with what to do for so long.  do i do what other people want me to do? (they want me to find more work.) of course, a part of me also wants that.  i would like to have money to go shopping. i would like to have money to spend on a friend's wedding next year (it's out-of-state). i know getting more work isn't going to be enough money to do great things with my life, but it'll allow me to put a little bit back into my bank account. i know i haven't been putting 100% into getting another job. another part of me wants to just stop looking for work and put the rest of my energy into volunteering or interning.  i would like to squeeze in as much nonprofit experience as i can. was just reading a few requirements for some of the grad schools. most mention they would like applicants to have nonprofit work experience and not just that but with increasing responsibilities. the work that i do isn't difficult (data entry plus any other assignments anyone may need help with). i have added another dimension to my work by assisting with grant research and writing. though that is still not enough. next week, i will be volunteering at another nonprofit. this nonprofit has more to do with international relief and humanitarian aid which is closer to what i want to do...

still, i'm torn. i feel like i need to please the people around me and i can't figure out what to do. i've wasted enough time putting many days of my week aside hoping that i can fill it with another job. now i'm thinking i should just forget looking for another job (unlike others, i don't pay rent and i don't have a car to pay for). as of right now, the club is about to start its summer program. i know i will be getting at least one more day of work each week. i'm thinking after the summer program ends in mid august, i should throw myself into the other nonprofit completely--by that time i hope to begin an internship and i know that that has to be at least two days a week.  i'm hoping that graduate admissions committee will see my commitment to this line of work (i especially have to prove myself since my bachelors degree was in something completely unrelated to what i want to do now. the only other way i can prove myself is through the GRE, which is a lot more difficult to do.)  unfortunately this means i won't have money to save up towards grad school or going back to france. or anything really. (with grad school, i'll definitely be applying for financial aid. for france, i'll be ok with taking out a loan for that, too).  ideally, i would prefer to have a second job and squeeze in the new volunteer work/internship.