thoughts

tonight i have been reading blogs of expats living in paris. i just wanted to see what it would do to me. would it reignite the dormant feelings i have for the city and country? i still love the haussmanian architecture. i love those windows you find in parisian apartments, i love and miss the food and the quality of the food, the metro, the monuments, and the beautiful language. however, ever since i came back from this last trip, as i told my cousin's husband, "i'm full." as in i don't feel a need to go back like i felt after my first trip. i don't feel pulled from within my soul anymore. (then again my visualisation board i created regarding my career path was predominantly about life in paris).

yeah, i'm not sure where i am right now or where i want to go next.

i had this brief back and forth with a friend via email. i told her i didn't get the job i applied for at ikea. that i will just wait for something else to open up and apply. she replied that it sounded like i needed an adventure. she herself will be moving to d.c. next week. her fiance had just recently accepted a new job out there. maybe i do need an adventure but what happens after i return home? i'll still be unemployed. if i do go somewhere big, it will be to west africa. i figured that is the first step towards that career i had planned out not too long ago. perhaps an adventure is something i need to look into at home. things are slow right now because i'm not going out and creating life.

other things on my plate: setting up my etsy shop. all those drawings i've done are meant for the shop. unfortunately it is a legitimate business so there is paperwork involved. i've also not made any drawings since november (?). sigh.

things are just not very interesting or exciting right now. i need to continue the momentum from january into the rest of the year. my birthday is coming up next week and to look back on my 30th and 31st year, i just see life that slipped away. this year has to be different.