ouch.

thinking ahead a few years when i will possibly be in grad school, i finally got to doing the math properly for one year of studying and living in london.  it is a lot more than i previously thought but still less expensive than going to a good school in the u.s.
 
  costs for one year:             tuition                                $27000
                                                     cost of living                      12000
                                                     rent in private flat           17000-21000
                                                     total                                    $56000-67000

 hmm... now i need to do the math for paris.

success!

i came across another recipe for madeleines online.  it's from one of dorie greenspan's cookbooks.  not surprisingly, this recipe uses a lot less butter.  surprisingly though this recipe makes enough for one small batch, or 18 regular sized madeleines.  i am quite pleased with the results.  they baked the way they were supposed to.  the bottom picture shows what a real madeleine looks like:  the backside has a bump.  if you try pouring regular cake batter into the mold, the madeleine will form a top mound evenly from the sides like a regular cupcake.  madeleines don't bake like that.  it should have a bump only in the center.

i'm so glad i found this recipe.  my madeleine mold will not go to waste now.  i bought it in france for about 8-9€ ($10).  here, they are about $20.  good grief.  although this recipe came out good and tastes just as good, i have to say the ones my mom bought for me from donsuemor tastes even better.  those are the best i've ever had (though i can't really compare them to the ones sold in patisseries in france.  i always bought madeleines from the supermarket--the mass-produced type.)

wish list, #2

 

the perfect black clutch/shouder bag.  marc jacobs, $328.

southern california cool meets parisian chic

  i googled los angeles fashion week to see what was coming.  instead i ended up reading about a past show.  l.a. fashion week is spread over a few venues.  one of the locations is the soho house in west hollywood.  i had heard about it while interning at an art gallery and through l.a. fashion week, it has come up again.  it truly is a very beautiful venue.  the designer(s) who showed there was of two minds.  one of the designers is from paris.  the esthetic of two minds is, described in the words of the designers,

"[...] the relaxed glamour of Los Angeles is artfully blended with the urban sophistication of Paris.

St. Germain des Pres meets Malibu."

i have to say, that is the first time those two styles have been merged by a designer and the end result is quite gorgeous.  the look above is my favorite from the current collection.  it's beautiful and simple.  unfortunately i can't afford these pieces.  though i'm sure i can re-create it...

wish list item no. 1

when i am employed again, i will buy this.  can't wait :)


devora libin smoky quarts earrings, $90, maxandchloe.com

a year ago...

sitting by the fountain at the luxembourg gardens, paris.

the perfect afternoon.  those iconic chairs.  that garden of all gardens.  together, it's one of the quintessential parisian experiences.

the luxembourg gardens is one of my favorite places in paris.  it is beautiful in the autumn when the leaves turn orange and yellow.  i know how to get there from métro odéon by heart.  i wish i could be there now and i wish for many more trips in the future.  sigh.

when the past and present meet.

on the bus ride home today, two high school girls got on.  they are both on the tennis team.  back in high school 13-14 years ago, my friends and i were also on our high school tennis team.  it was hard not to see myself in one of those girls.  both were carrying their tennis rackets and a few big books, as well as a backpack.  i can't believe it's been more than a decade that i was in high school.  can't believe how all that seems to have happened so fast now.

the two girls were talking to each other about wanting to travel to europe, something that i wasn't even thinking about when i was in high school.  on my mind at the time was just college.  getting into a good college.  i couldn't see beyond that.  when you're still in high school i guess you don't think that much in advance.  you just worry about s.a.t. scores and grades.  the girls were mentioning which countries they wanted to see.  i wanted to tell them to just spend a year studying abroad when they get to university or just spend their entire four years abroad.  i opted not to say anything.  i'm sure they'll find their way there anyhow.

looking back, did i achieve everything that my high school self wanted to do?  yes.  there's definitely some blanks though and those are the parts that i'm trying to fill in now :)

pas de madeleines.

today, i made madeleines.  the recipe came from a madeleine cookbook i got in france.  oh how disappointed i was.  after i put them in the oven, they all melted.  that's when i realized the recipe, for some reason, called for way too much butter:  20 tablespoons of butter!  anyone that has baked enough knows that a lot of butter means melted pastries.  the butter in recipes determines the spread of the batter and with 20 tbsp, it did spread.  not too mention it prevented the madeleines from cooking thoroughly on the inside.  i'm thinking maybe the recipe didn't call for enough milk, either.  two tablespoons is probably not enough.  so disappointing.  i have to adjust the recipe next time.  oh dear.

lessons to live by.

a few years ago, my cousin got into the book, "messages from the masters" by brian weiss m.d.  (you can read the synopsis here.  i can't explain it too well).  i would say it's a good book.  there are insights from the other side that makes life here a lot easier to understand.  one of the lessons that i wrote down is this one, regarding love.

we hear the excuses of the mind all the time:  i'm too young; i need more experience, i'm not ready to settle down yet; you are of a different religion (or race, region, social status, and so on).  these are all excuses, for souls possess none of these attributes.

never worry about meeting soul mates.  such meetings are a matter of destiny.  they will occur.  after the meeting, the free will of both partners reign.  what decisions are made or not made, are a matter of free will, of choice.  the less awakened will make decisions based on the mind and all of its fears and prejudices.  unfortunately this often leads to heartache.  the more awakened the couple is, the more the likelihood of a decision based on love.  when both partners are awakened, ecstasy is within grasp.  (pp. 158)

and this excerpt:

 listen to your heart, to your own intuitive wisdom, when making important decisions, especially when deciding about a gift of destiny, such as a soul mate.  destiny will deposit its gift directly at your feet, but what you subsequently decide to do with that gift is up to you.  if you rely exclusively on the advice of others, you may make terrible mistakes.  your heart knows what you need.  other people have other agendas. (pp. 163)

the last excerpt is dear to me.  while abroad, i did meet someone.  he was pretty much put right in front of me.  i knew he was the one.  however, i wasn't sure if he was single or not.  if he felt the same way about me.  as the months went by we got to know each other well.  he would be comfortable enough to act like a dork around me.  just like me.  we were perfect for each other.  still i didn't know.  before returning to the u.s., i finally asked him out.  in an email.  doing it in person, or trying to, was the hardest thing ever.  i sent the email over the course of the school break.  he wrote back.  he has a gf.  mayebe true, maybe it isn't.  i think it has something to do with me still not having my life figured out yet whereas, he has with his life.

paris

i want to live here.

or maybe just rent it.  after reading about another blogger's family vacation in the pacific northwest, i was compelled to google the location (anacortes,wa)  from her photos, i already knew it would be a place i love.  a place surrounded by nature--trees, skies, water.  just beautiful.

my search led me to look up the properties that were on sale in the area.  glad to say there were a few properties under $500,000.  i couldn't believe it.  a home that has views of the pacific, for that price, is a steal.  just shows how overpriced southern california is.  a home in a nice l.a. suburb is at least $500,000.  if i ever could afford to buy a home, this would be one of them.  this location is more of a summer getaway.  my other home would be in a major european city.

quoi?

i'm looking at some previously bookmarked pages regarding ngos and humanitarian work.  all of a sudden i see a link that i didn't notice before.  i click it and the website in front of me mentions french universities that offer international development, ngo, and humanitarian degrees.

anyhow,  if i want to work for a french organization, i have to go to their schools, first.  at least that's what i think.   however, if i want to work for an international organization with offices in france, i may not need to.  i'm not too sure on this.  however, i would still need to be fluent in french.  if i have a degree from outside of france, i will absolutely need to have the right to live and work in france.  it would be easier to do it through a french education.

well, this does make things more complicated. there are schools in france for humanitarian and international development studies.  if i want to study in france, i would have to go back to a language school and have my french at a high level to get into one of their universities.  darn it.  that's at least another 6 months.

here is my list of preferred schools so far:

• Ecole Superieure de Commerce et Developpement, Lyon France 
• Universite Paris 1, UFR 11, M2 Pro - Coopération Internationale, Action Humanitaire et Politiques de Développement
• London School of Economics

temp agency no. 1: merde

today i had an appointment with the temp agency.  since it was a few cities away, i had to take the bus.  it was an hours ride.  i had to wake up 3 hours before my appointment.  i could have woken up an hour later but i didn't want to be rushing into the building at 9 a.m.  (the bus would have dropped me off at 8:55).  i arrived in the vicinity at 7:55 and decided to hang at a nearby park until it was closer to my appointment time.  it was nice to have that time to contemplate my future at the park.  the name of the park is ironic:  soaring dreams park.  i felt like i was in france again as i spent some time sitting at parks.

at 8:35 i headed for the temp agency.  on the map, the streets and blocks looked a lot bigger so i thought it would take me at least 10 minutes to get there.  it was closer to 5 minutes.  i then sat on one of those cement blockades in front of the building for 10 more minutes before i went in.  at 8:50 i went in.  i sat down and the receptionist asked for my resume and two forms of i.d.  after she sees that i brought my driver's license and my old student i.d  she told me the second one needed to be a birth certificate, social security card, or passport.  gee...she could have told all new applicants this when i called to make my appointment two weeks ago.  then she looked at my resume and asked a few questions.  then she told me that all the companies that hire ask for at least one year's experience in administration.  she asked if i had any past office experience which i do not.  at that she said the temp agency couldn't help me.  merde (shit).

i will attempt a second agency.  i might get the same response.  this might all be a waste of time and i could possibly be offered a position at the club before something outside is offered to me.

a memory.

this is lyon, france.  this is the color of the city:  all shades of peach.  it is what i knew for the five months i lived there.  not to mention all the cool traboules or passageways.  lyon is nothing like paris but it still holds a place in my heart.  i suppose it was a good thing i ended up in lyon.  though it's france's second city (or third or fourth, depending on who you talk to), it is very small.  i felt like it is closer to the size of a los angeles suburb.  for that reason, i was a lot more comfortable there than i was in the one month i lived in paris.  lyon is manageable.  plus its lighter on the tourists.  it's a good place to open up an american/british company there as there isn't much right now.  lyon will surely love for that to happen.

hint, hint.

after making the last post, i've received a few signs regarding my future...

let me fast forward to today, first.  i went to the site for usaid.  usaid employs civil service and foreign service officers at home and abroad to carry out the government's international development missions.  positions are held in the fields of environmental, educational, project development and management, and crisis, stabilization and governance, etc.  awhile ago, when i last visited the site, working for usaid seemed out of reach for me.  i didn't have the credentials or experience to work there.  now that i'm looking into a master's degree in international development, it all seems attainable now.

knowing that working for usaid is still a few years in the future, i somehow redirected my research back to americorps which is basically like the peace corps but all the missions are done on u.s. soil.  that sounded a lot more  like me.  though i'm looking into a degree in international development, what i really want to do is help america first.  though we are a rich country, so many corners of our own country need help.  reading about previous volunteers' experiences, i became more and more interested.  volunteers only need to serve a maximum of one year, unlike the peace corps which is two.  after completion they are given an education award, a small stipend to pay off student loans or to help pay for future studies.

thinking about it, anyone would tell me i should just do it.  as always,  i have doubts and fears.  i recently spent six months living abroad.  almost a year and a half later, i am still unemployed.  taking another year off to do something like this will have to wait.  the more project descriptions i read, the more i realized it is not much different than what i am doing now at the club.  perhaps i should switch tracks and start tutoring kids with their homework or help them learn how to read instead.

confused.

after all this discovery about my new career path, i am having doubts.  i don't know exactly what area i want to work in and in what function.  right now i am volunteering at a small branch of a national non-profit organization doing mostly data entry and some other administrative work.  i'm already getting bored of the work.  the few times i enjoyed what i do is when i get to interact or stop to watch what the kids are doing.

international development...is it really for me?  i have no idea where it will take me and that is what i'm afraid of.  i'm not sure about ngo development work.  some people know which country they want to work in and/or what cause.  for me, i have no clue about the first and as far as causes go, there are a few that are dear to me.  i want to help people whose town has been ravaged by natural disasters.  i want every child to have access to a good education, i want to help the poor, to name a few.  i thought i wanted to work internationally since it would bring more opportunities.  working for an american ngo, you are limited to the few functions (marketing, admin, development).

i guess its a good thing i am not applying for grad school this year.  for now, i'll just concentrate on going back to work.

september

i'm so glad august is over.  it was a difficult month that ended with my sister getting into an accident - she was hit by a car as she was crossing the street.  luckily she didn't break any bones.  now she just has some physical therapy to do.

this month i get back into my job search.  i have an appointment with a temp agency next week and i'm considering seeing a second one just to increase my chances.  at home, i have been throwing away old magazines and giving away what i can.  getting ready for fall and 2012, i  guess.

this coming monday is labor day so the whole country is on a four-day weekend.  while europe gets nice month-long vacations we get mini vacations throughout the year.  sigh.  it's funny how you can feel how relaxed/stressed the city is during a weekend or holiday versus a regular day when you step outside.