life

i'm old enough where i can look back at life. it's interesting when you can tell when something such as getting a new job can feel and be the start to the next part of your life and when it is only just a new job or another job. i know i'm about to enter into the next chapter of my life. for once i'm a bit scared.  i'm working on a cover letter for a job at ikea, again. it's not even for a management position but they want a cover letter. good grief. so i'm trying to put together something that isn't so... forced, i guess. i know that this time around it will be more like school and not work. what i mean is that i know there is something i will be returning to learn in regards to the bigger picture of my life. last time it was just about working and saving up money. i don't like it when work feels like work.

the other thing is my life has not moved much since i graduated. i came to ikea after i graduated and here i am now. the only difference is that now i know what my calling is. that's another thing that i noticed. life does not move forward until we decide to do so or sometimes we are even pushed to do so or after we've learned all we need to at that stage or a combination of those three. i never thought i would be coming back to ikea, but here i am. life is interesting like that.

sometimes you can feel when you are being led a certain direction. this is one of those times.

happy endings.

two days ago at work, one of my colleague's boyfriend showed up. at that point i noticed a lot of the kids and staff in the building had all gathered and were facing them. my friend's boyfriend then got on one knee and proposed. my friend said yes.

her fiance i noticed was not the same guy i saw at the holiday dinner in december. this is a new guy. i found out they've only been dating for a few months. the guy already knew so soon.

today i congratulated her on the engagement. i then asked how her kids (a fifth grader and a third grader) likes the guy. she said they love him and her son, who she doesn't always understand, loves her fiance. they get along great. she said she couldn't have asked for a better guy. (i was wondering how my friend could given an answer so soon. now i know).

only two weeks ago, this same friend was 1 of 20 people who won a scholarship to a local university. i overheard her talking on the phone that day. she said she felt like her life was finally coming together (things have not occurred in the order society has dictated). from the outside i would say that her life is coming along just fine. she's a great mom to her kids, she does her job well, and she's a great friend.

i have another friend who has three young kids. the youngest she had with her current boyfriend. her boyfriend loves all of her kids. they have already talked about getting married.

i'm so happy for my friends. i think this is just proof for me that anything is possible.

the missing piece.

i was just googling "the love of my life." i wanted to read other people's stories. it is something that i also want in my own life. i came across one blog where the author was recanting how she met her husband. her story is quite heart-warming. i then read a few other stories that came up on google. one of them led me to the secret's (the book) website. i was actually reading stories from readers using the secret, the magic, and the power (all books) to manifest things in their life. i have read the secret several years ago. i didn't like the book so i returned it. i understood that it was about using the law of attraction and creating a visualisation board to manifest things into your life, but i didn't like the way the book was written. many times through out the book, the author just repeats the same things over and over. she then puts it in a book (or the publisher) puts it in this nice book to make it something bigger than it really is. there are many books in the new age/self-help section that have been written decades ago on the law of attraction, gratitude, and the power of love, and a lot of readers think it's something new. the only difference is that the secret and subsequent books by this author have made it on to a more visible place in the bookstore.

anyway, even though i didn't like the way the book was written and the way she handled the subject, i have to thank her website and the stories from her readers. from reading their stories, i now realize why my life hasn't moved forward much (actually, i already knew why but this was from a different perspective) and what i need to do/change. yes, my heart and mind are in two different places. in order to do anything, they need to be in the same place. it just makes things a lot easier. what i need to do is, foremost, figure out what i really want. so once i figure that out, i may have to create a new visualization board. i also need to go back to writing down the things that i am grateful for in my life, on a more regular basis. then lastly, work towards what i want. that is pretty much how we manifest things into our lives. you just have to really believe it can/it will happen. key words are really and believe. you have to really want it. whatever it is. you also have to stay positive and believe that anything is possible.

figuring out what i really want will be the hardest part. sigh.