what my twenties taught me

now in my early 30s, i can look back at the last decade. my twenties, as stated in my mini profile, was filled with school, work, and travel. it was a trying decade especially because of my quarter-life crisis that lasted several years. as in all difficulties in life, you are left with a valuable lesson afterwards. in no particular order, these are the lessons that i've learned from my twenties:

1. follow your heart/listen to that little voice. 

 i could have avoided my quarter-life crisis altogether if i had done just that. i thought for sure, there was no sign.  i really didn't know what i want to do with my life. only after returning from france, and from the opportunity given from my unemployed situation at the time, i decided i would finally do what i wanted to do but couldn't when i was employed: take an excel and photoshop class and volunteer. i started volunteering after my classes were done--in april of last year.  i was actually thinking about it since the summer before but the heat was too much for me to walk through and i hate tihe heat.  my intention was to only volunteer doing some office work to pick up some work experience that i didn't have. then go and try to find work. i only planned on being there until the summer.  a few months later, i realized i needed more than 3 months of experience to be competitive so i told my supervisor i would be there for a few months longer. 

around the same time, i had an epiphany:  this is where i'm supposed to be: at a nonprofit. i had finally figured out my career path.  realizing this also made me mad.  the little voice had been telling me to go volunteer ever since my last years of college.  i just could never find anything close enough.  i just thought i was supposed to go volunteer for a few weeks and that would be it. had no idea it would lead me to my career. i'm finally here, though. it's square one. i still have a long way to go. sigh.

2. society does not know what's best for you nor do other people.  only you do.

similar to the previous one, this is the other reason i was so miserable for the latter half of my twenties. i stayed at my job for as long as i could. i was afraid to look and try something else because i didn't know where to go. unfortunately last year, (at 30) i had a cousin give me a hard time about not doing enough to find work. i knew though, that i was already where i was supposed to be and i just had to wait. i applied to numerous places.  nothing.  at least not from those places i looked into during that time--all retail and food. the nonprofit i was volunteering at, offered me a position.  it was actually created for me.  even after i got hired, i never heard from any of those other places.

3. when you hit a wall, when a door doesn't open, it means you're not supposed to be there so stop trying to open that same door.

i remember the first few times i tried going back to france, i applied to teach english in their public schools. i needed to get someone to evaluate my level of french, so i went to my old college professor.  it was just a simple request.  it would only take maybe 10 minutes of her time.  to my surprise, she was completely against it.  she said i would have to enroll in her class first. at this time, i have already graduated from university and was working full-time. a language class is at least twice a week. actually i did enroll in a class but i dropped after a week. she took that as a personal offense.  i then asked a french teacher at a nearby high school. i left her the form to look at and she told me she couldn't evaluate me since i was not one of her students.

i forged that part of the application.  didn't get the job anyway.  by that time, it was the second year i had applied and it was four years after i came back from france (the first trip). i was so miserable at work and so tired of the process, that i just decided it was time to go back to france.  i would just go back as a student so i enrolled in a language school.  i spent a great 6 months abroad. i'm glad i didn't get the job. learning the language is something that i am proud of. living there was a lot easier when you know the language. i will always call lyon my second home.

new love

i listen to a lot of music on pandora.  i feel bad for my ipod which i rarely use now.  i've come across a lot of new groups i definitely wouldn't have found on my own.  one of those groups i really like is florence + the machine. i've "liked" a lot of her songs. this is one of them.

birthday

i am writing this the day before my birthday.  at work, when someone has a birthday it is recognized in some way.  one of my friends at work had her birthday a few weeks ago. she's a year younger than me. she is fairly new but being born under the same sign, we have already gotten to become good friends.  we both did not want our birthdays to be recognized but one of our supervisors thought of having a birthday calendar put together so what we were afraid of was unavoidable.  when my friend's birthday came, she said our supervisor made a group of kids sing happy birthday to her.  today, two new employees came in for work.  it's their second day.  one of them mentioned it was her birthday yesterday (?). my friend then walked into the office and told me, "you're not getting away with your birthday (being on a day that i don't work)."  i know she will find a way to make me go through some painful recognition of my birthday when i go back to work on wednesday. i know everyone at work will sign a birthday card and give it to me on wednesday, also.  (they like to give birthday cards the day after someone's birthday if the person did not work on their birthday. one of the things i don't understand.  i prefer the day before so it doesn't seem late).

i'm definitely going to have to keep an eye on my friend on wednesday.

more urges

              poketo mini planner, $10 (each).  planners and organizers are one of my favorite things.
                               perfect size, perfect price. i'd like one, please.

shopping

i hadn't done any shopping for a very long time.  then suddenly in the last month alone, spent around $100.  i'm still having urges.  like this clutch from topshop, $56.  i'm really loving it, too. it also comes with a removable strap. sigh.

lessons

looking back, everything that i've endured last year has taught me so much about myself.  i have come out stronger that i ever thought possible. i now have a better sense of myself.  i am more confident. i know what i want and don't want in work, life, and love.  i am finally at peace with myself.  it feels great.

as a result, good things are entering my life.  i have a job.  it's not full time but i am happy.  i know this is where i am supposed to be.  for now.  at the end of last month, my work with the kids was taken away.  yesterday, my supervisor asked me if i could start again as one of the staff who was working with them had left.  i have been wanting to work with them again.  i was going to start volunteering with them on two other days that i wasn't working.  this is perfect.

also, there is a cute guy at work.  i know he likes me. he just really hasn't said much but that's probably because i haven't said much.  maybe i intimidate him. it's been two or three weeks now.  i want to talk to him but i'm too scared.  i know he is older and at the moment i am trying to figure out if he's married or not. if he's single, i don't want to start anything until mid-april, if possible. (for astrological reasons--bad to start a new relationship while mars is retrograde. i believe in this stuff).  not sure if i could control that, though.  if he's married, well, i am not going to cross that line.